That's How We Roll

This past weekend was, as has been the norm lately, fun, busy and continuously elightening.

First, on Friday night we had dinner with some friends of a mutual a friend (and, hopefully, soon to be our new friends as well) by the names of David and Cindy. The mutual friend, Xianjun (and old lab-rat colleague of mine from my Idec Pharmaceuticals’ days), suggested we get together with David and his fiancé because they both speak Cantonese. After David and I exchanged some emails and spoke on the phone, we decided to have dinner together. Both David and Cindy are interested in helping Lanhua adjust, and they figured what better way than to be available to give advice on Cantonese cuisine, aid in translation and just generally be there should Pam and I (or Lanhua) ever have any questions or problems.

We went to China Max on Convoy, a place recommended by them for excellent Cantonese/Hong Kong-style cuisine. It was excellent! David and Cindy are wonderful people; kind and generous (which of course was no surprise, since they had eagerly agreed to help out two complete strangers with a newly adopted 9-year old girl!), and it was a real pleasure to have dinner with them. Unfortunately, Lanhua was in an exceptionally shy mood, and although she was clearly fascinated by China Max and the customers (all of whom were pretty much speaking Cantonese), she was very reluctant to engage when David or Cindy tried to get a conversation going in Cantonese. However, I have a feeling the next time we meet up with David and Cindy, she will be much more gregarious.

Anyway, thank you David and Cindy! Truly, these are the types of people that epitomize our philosophy of “It takes a village to raise a child” – complete strangers happy and eager to lend a hand with our beautiful Lanhua. Really, does it get better than that? (For those of you who know Pam and I well, you know for us that the answer to that question is “no.”) We are very much looking forward to more of this wonderful couple and getting to know them. (By the way, they are getting married in June – Congratulations!)

Saturday was a re-enactment of that epic struggle; that jaw-dropping philosophical conundrum that legend has it sent no less than Kurt Godel into his bedroom for a week straight, anxious and pulling at his hair (while at the same time trying unsuccessfully to get answers from good friend Al Einstein):

Chinese New Year festivities v. bowling.

The day started out with the best of intentions. Although no San Francisco, San Diego does in fact have a Chinese New Year festival downtown, and this year it was set for this past weekend. All last week, Pam and I have been planning on taking Lanhua down to experience the festivities and a bit of Chinese culture here in sunny San Diego. We invited various friends and family and thought it would be a great way to show Lanhua that a small piece of her home country was here in her new home as well.

So, Saturday morning we were up and about and ready to hit downtown – Pam and I were excited about the adventure, and of course Lanhua had no idea of what was coming. After a morning session of indoor “hide and seek” (Lanhua’s favorite new game) and after Mama helped Baba change the bandage on his hacked-up right hand (I took a very nasty fall on a recent lunch-hour bike ride), we piled into the car and headed to what we thought would at the least be a culturally interesting trip for our little girl.

Well. The “festival” was of a much smaller scale that we had hoped – some arts and crafts booths, a main stage with various enacted Chinese stories unfolding, the typical food booths you see at such fests (although with an “Asian” touch), etc. Our best friend Tandora met us– this was her first encounter with Lanhua, and we were very excited about their first meeting – and Aunt Tina and Uncle Andrew also met us. But within about 30 minutes, we had experienced the whole of the “festival,” and Lanhua was clearly bored. (Actually, from the moment we had arrived she had expressed little interest. In retrospect, her boredom is fairly clear. Something along the lines of: “Wow. Impressive. Umm, you do know that I just came from China, right?” This was most likely combined with the typical mien of a 9-year old that I have experienced before with my 9 year old nieces and nephews: “Hello. This is BORING…”)

So, what to do? Both Pam and Aunt Tina came up with the same idea: bowling. Naturally. Because that’s what you do when the attempt to expose your newly adopted daughter to her native culture goes awry – bowling. Obviously.

Fortunately for us, downtown San Diego has a great bowling place, and so we headed there not knowing how this would work out. And, as often is the case with Plan Bs, it worked out better than Plan A – she loved it. I snapped a few pictures, but it’s really impossible to show how much she loved bowling. Soon she was pretty much taking over the bowling for everyone, and taking charge of assigning who was to bowl next and with which brightly-colored ball. And of course, her smile was constant. It seems fairly certain that we will be hitting Kearney Mesa Bowling this week at some point. Too early to talk bowling league?

So, the lesson for the weekend? When it comes to the question of an appropriately-suited cultural event and/or experience versus hitting a local bowling alley, the answer is clear.

Pretty easy when you think about it, actually.

That's My Daughter

Ba-ba checking in. That’s Cantonese for daddy. Since Pam has taken the lion’s share of keeping this blog updated (ok, you got me; “share” implies that I’ve pitched in…I haven’t, it’s been all Pam!), I thought I should finally take a crack at an update. So, here goes…

To begin with, the title of today’s entry comes from a song. Before we left for China, Pam’s colleagues at BrainCells, Inc. (no, it’s not the name of a company from Steve Martin’s movie “The Man With Two Brains”) threw us a congratulatory lunch. It was great fun, and very, very thoughtful on the part of all of Pam’s great friends at work. During the lunch we were treated to a little mini-movie (courtesy of David Miller – thanks David!) replete with images of Lanhua (surreptitiously hijacked from Pam’s computer – that’s the benefit of being the company IT guy) and humorous quotes regarding parenting. And the soundtrack for the little movie was the song “Daughter” by Loudon Wainwright III…so catchy and so perfect (thanks Jill!). It was terrific.

So for the past two weeks this earworm of a song has been playing in my head, and I still can’t believe it actually applies to Pam and I. The first two weeks in Guangzhou were a blur and somewhat surreal; Pam nailed it with every one of her entries. It was so overwhelmingly emotionally and so…what’s the word?...unbelievable…that it was hard to comprehend that we actually had a daughter. That this little girl was now legally our responsibility and that the paths ahead were so infinitely varied and awesome as to be literally mind-boggling was, I think, a bit much for us (or at least me) to tackle in Guangzhou. It was like we were babysitters with an extended contract. But ever since we’ve arrived home, everything that Lanhua does seems to hit that specific neuronal (that’s for the BrainCells crowd) “play” button, “Daughter” starts to unreel in my head, and it sinks in, deeper each time: that IS my daughter! And nearly every time I’m overwhelmed anew.

Now for you parents out there, I’m sure this is very familiar and probably old-hat by now. So, I hope I’m not boring you with the obvious. But for Pam and I, who not very long ago at all were despairing at the possibility that we would ever be parents…well, it’s been nothing short of life-affirming. This little munchkin, this little ball of cuteness, this crazy mix of wonder and mischief (and boy, she can be trouble with a capital “T”) is allowing us the insane privilege of entering her life and caring for her. And Pam and I could not be happier.

Anyway, I promise to start holding up my end of the bargain and posting more often to relieve some of the pressure off of mama. I definitely want to make a point of giving a huge and heartfelt thanks to all of our friends and family, both close by and distant, for their unbelievable support, kind words, and warmest of wishes. (A special shout-out to the Hull family – Tim, your recent email choked me up; it was, as a Jewish friend would put it, a mitzvah. Thank you.) We will continue to keep this blog going as long as Lanhua keeps things interesting. So, what, that takes us out for another 30 years or so? (By then I’m thinking “blogging” and “Facebook” will be passé; we’ll just send you updates via telepathy.)

As for today’s photos…the first is my favorite. Lanhua took it while we waiting in the hotel lobby for our ride to the airport. She was so nonchalant about the whole thing – “Yeah, America, adoption, etc. Big whoop.” – yet I have to think she was at least a little nervous. She snapped this picture of her feet. I love it, not only because her shoes are so cute, but because I have the very special privilege of knowing and loving what’s connected to those cute little feet.

The second is of her first attempted bike ride with Pam. Crazy…9 years old and never ridden a bike before.

And the last is of Lanhua running crazily through the fields of Stinky Island, where we take our dogs for walks.

Yep, that’s our daughter….

PS As for real-time updates, yesterday afternoon we purchased roller-blades for Lanhua at her insistence. I foresee Lanhua’s first genuine, American bruises and/or scrapes on the way…

PPS By the way, Lanhua does have a face – honestly! She is just so good at hiding it from the camera!

Some More Photos

99 Ranch Market

We've discovered a great source of food (thanks Dan!) to satify Lanhua's not so typical culinary requirements: 99 Ranch Market (or Ranch 99 according to locals). The market is about 5 minutes from our house. It's a large grocery store dedicated to Asian food, primarily Chinese. Lanhua experienced her first shopping spree at Ranch 99 today and she filled her cart. Among her selections: mussels (yes, the bivalves), scallop balls, milky tea, and lots of other stuff that Steve and I can't quite be sure of.

Happy New Year!

This weekend we celebrated Chinese New Year. On Saturday morning, we decorated the house. Then we introduced Lanhua to the beach, swings,the Mission Beach boardwalk and sushi served on floating boats. It's amazing to watch her experience things for the first time. Although the boardwalk was rich with Southern California's classic beach characters and she really likes sushi (especially when she can grab it off rotating floating devices), we think her favorite event on Saturday was swinging at the playground.

Sunday's celebration began with a family outing (dogs included) to Fiesta Island on Mission Bay. She had a blast watching Milt and Harper play along the shore. She collected shells, played Frisbee and hiked up and down dirt hills - apparently for the first time judging from the screams during her descents. Sunday afternoon our friends Nicole, Crew, Jeff, Anya, Severin and Ellie came over for New Year festivities in our backyard. Lanhua had fun playing with the kids, as well as Jeff and Steve. We exchanged red envelopes, ate bland Chinese candy and cooked-up some hot dogs on the grill, San Diego style.

Attached are a few photos of Lanhua and her dad. It's tough getting a picture of her, but she's never too far from Pop.

School!

On Monday, Steve, Lanhua and I walked across the street to our local elementary school to turn-in Lanhua’s registration paperwork in and to show her around a bit. During our visit, we met the school’s principal who, after meeting Lanhua, convinced us that we should start her in school as soon as possible. So, her first day was this past Wednesday. Rather than recounting Steve’s description of her first morning (I was unable to be there – long work-related story), I’ve cut-and-pasted the email that Steve sent below. She’s now attended 2 days of school and really seems to like it. We assume that the structure, as well as the interaction with other kids, are something she’s sorely missed over the past 4-6 weeks.

From Steve:

“Just a quick report from dropping Lanhua off at school. She seemed to be fairly looking forward to it; spent some time getting her lunch ready to her exacting specifications, and she was ready to go by 8:15. We walked over around 8:30 and as we got closer, she began to show a little apprehension, which is normal. Joyce walked us over to her classroom to meet her teacher, Ms. Robertson, and see her class. Ms. Robertson was very nice; young (or at least, younger), quick to smile, etc. I think we may have lucked out. Furthermore, she was prepared - she had asked her students yesterday if anyone spoke Mandarin or Cantonese. One little girl said she spoke a little Mandarin and another little girl actually speaks some Cantonese! So Ms. Robertson moved them so Lanhua would be sitting right between them. I met the little girls (who were too shy to speak to Lanbua while I was there, but I have no doubt that that reticence won't last), and they are awfully sweet. Anyway, this is fairly awesome news, and even if they speak only a little of Lanhua's native language(s), it will be a huge thing, I think.

She was too overwhelmed to participate in the pre-school, morning, walk-around; from 8:30-9:00 the kids all walk around the schoolyard while music plays, then at 9 the bell rings, and they line up at a number corresponding to their classroom where the teacher is waiting for them. They do the pledge and the school pledge and the principal makes any announcements, then they head to school. She was definitely too nervous/overwhelmed to participate in the walk-around (even with me along); she preferred to hang by her classroom and just watch, which was perfectly fine. At one point, I saw her lips pursing and her chin quiver just a bit, and I thought her emotions were going to get the best of her, but she is one tough little girl and held it in. I was a little nervous that she wouldn't want to go into the classroom after the bell rang, but she did, and took her seat, fully aware that everyone was checking her out. Man, I can't imagine how tough this is - even if you speak English, starting in a new school is tough. Everyone is staring, etc. Although, I have to say, kids are kids, and as we watching the walk-around, at least a half-dozen kids waved to her as they walked by.

Anyway, I tried to make it clear that we would be there when school ends, but I'm sure she didn't get it. Once she sees us, though, she'll understand. I told Ms. Robertson to call if Lanhua appears just too overwhelmed, but she seemed confident that wouldn't be necessary; the class was doing a lot of art today, so she thinks Lanhua will be fine. I really think she's lucked out getting into this class.

So our brave, little girl has started school!”

Feeding Lanhua

Prior to meeting Lanhua, neither Steve nor I realistically understood how different the diet of a 9-year old child from Southern China would be compared to a kid from the US. The difference is huge. Fortunately, the significant of this difference is likely short term.

While we were in China, it was obviously straightforward to accommodate her culinary preferences. We're now at Day 5 in the US, and quite frankly, our success rate is ~50%.

In the morning, about all she eats is frozen food preparation of fried rice and pork. She's the first kid (or adult) I've ever known to turn down one of Grandma Wedel's cinnamon buns. She doesn't like american yogurt, grilled cheese sandwiches or chocolate. She does like apples, nuts and cherry tomatoes. We've managed to convince her to try broccoli soup (a hit), pasta in a light tomato sauce (a miss), pizza (a miss) and toast (a hit). Last night we resorted to Chinese take-out and she devoured the green beans and sweet and sour shrimp. It was a great day. The happy news is that she's interested in trying things and it's a fun experiment for all of us.

We welcome your suggestions!

February 6, 2010: We're Home!!!!

We made it! Lanhua's first air travel adventure was as good as one could expect. She held it together through the goodbye to our guide, the crazy security lines, the very long flight from Guangzhou to LAX, the mad dash in LA to catch an earlier flight to SD and essentially, 24 hours of travel limbo. She's a trooper.

As a Wedel, Lanhua's journey is just beginning. We're happy (and relieved) to report that she likes all of our fuzzy family members and seems genuinely pleased with her new situation. She's battling some serious jet lag but we expect she'll rebound much quicker than her parents.

There's so much to write about as we observe this little kid in her entirely new environment. Steve and I will take turns updating the blog as long as we think it may be interesting to others. For us, even a short nightime walk with our dogs is an amazing experience - last night we think she saw a sky full of stars for the first time!

February 4, 2010: Preparing for our Return!

Yesterday, we swore to the US Consulate. Since the room was full of children, we used significant restraint. The entire process lasted about 30 minutes. Our adoption agency, A.S.I.A, and our guide Ann really came through for us with our paperwork, coordinating our appointments and making the process as efficient as possible. We’ve met other families during our trip that unfortunately haven’t had the same positive experience.

We ate dinner at a great Vietnamese restaurant before taking a boat cruise last night. Lanhua’s diet is very traditional Chinese and in the evening, she’s an eating machine. She likes noodles with pork or beef, all types of vegetables and seafood (last night she had sweet & sour squid) and her taste in snacks is what you’d expect from a kid from Guangzhou: eel flavored potato chips, dried chicken wings, weird smoked meat bars and of course, good old fashioned dried roots.

This morning we went on a walk through the street markets. In addition to some pants that fit her (she’s so skinny), Lanhua found a backpack (yes, pink) for her carry-on stuff. She’s very excited about the trip to the US and is already packed. Our flight leaves at 9pm tomorrow, Feb 5^th. We’ll see if her excitement holds once she’s logged 15+ hours on a transpacific flight.

We’re looking forward to returning home but we’ll miss Ann very much. She’s a great guide, she’s very good with Lanhua and she’s become our friend. We’re lucky.

This is likely the last entry from Guangzhou. We’ll be back in the US (LAX) at 6pm tomorrow night - finally home in San Diego at 11:30pm.

The latest pictures are of from the Consulate’s office, our boat cruise last night, Lanhua’s goofy antics with her dad, and a photo of me with a tiger kitten (for Tandora!).

February 2, 2010

We had to wake Lanhua up this morning at 10am. She was exhausted after her long day of walking and playing at the Safari yesterday. She continues to prefer spending time in the hotel room versus going out in the city, but we’ve set-up some fun indoor games and the 3 of us are making the best of it. We think she may be self-conscious about all the stares we get when we’re out and about. Quite frankly, we don’t blame her. We can’t help but notice the long, hard looks we get from some of the locals. Most people are super friendly and are just looking at us because we’re different. Others, typically the older people, seem to scowl. It’s sort of uncomfortable and we’re sure Lanhua feels it too.

On a bureaucratic note, our paperwork cleared the US Consulate with no problems. Yippee!! Tomorrow, we’ll spend the afternoon at a swearing-in ceremony. After that, Ann is taking us on a river cruise along the Pearl River.

February 1, 2010: Countryside

Today we left the city with Ann and her wonderful family on an outing to the countryside. Considering that the population of Guangzhou and its suburbs is ~11.5 million, it took us a while to actually get to our destination: a zoological facility known as Safari Park (a cross between a zoo, a wild animal park and Lion Country Safari). Steve and I were both reluctant to visit this place fearing what we might see, but thankfully, it seemed ok. Generally speaking, the animal enclosures were large and the overall theme of the park seemed genuinely geared towards conservation. It was an interesting place and the kids had a fun time. We picnicked, fed giraffes, saw 10 pandas close-up and I held a 1-month old tiger kitten.